The Flippers and the Fire Hydrant

As if it wasn't enough that we had to endure a summer of glass breaking, hammering, and fencebuilding, now this.

I've had enough.

You see, the folks next door sold their house to real estate flippers, a section of the population I don't hold in high regard. Nothing says "HOWDY, NEIGHBOR" quite as loudly as a grinding tablesaw at 7:30am sharp on a summer Saturday. EVERY Saturday.

These bottom-feeding specuvestors are the reason it would cost me about 9,000 times my annual income to afford a house. Are they "adding value"? I suppose. I'm going to dispose of my Christmas tree in their yard the second I get home. Maybe there's some value in that.

But, hey, who am I to bitch about the marvels of capitalism, especially when operating in such close proximity? Every day I used to wake up and say, "Lord, please deliver a summer of never ending open houses, and a 12 foot by 3 foot banner that flaps in the slightest breeze! Deliver me from the evils of renting, and show me the glory of an adjustable rate mortgage!"

My prayers were answered. There were cars parked everywhere all summer for their open houses, prompting us to have to put a sign on the garage that said "DO NOT BLOCK THE DRIVEWAY". In retrospect we should've had them towed, but our sense of mercy prevailed. After all the Lord answered our prayers!

The open houses seem to have abated in the winter, but the poor parking habits have not. Last night, the same Ford F150 was parked for the third time in front of our fire hydrant, when there was plenty of parking all over the street. This thing was HUGE, as all F150s' are - and every time I see one of them I'm taken aback.

At any rate, the police got a call, on their non-emergency line of course. And they will every single time anyone parks in front of the hydrant on our street. Maybe next time I'll follow them home, park in front of THEIR hydrant, fire up a table saw outside their window, and scream "HOWDY NEIGHBOR!!!!"

Idiots.